I Spent the Day with Tiny Vicious Vampires

I work at a daycare. Sooo not glamorous. In fact, it is the complete opposite of glamorous, but it puts food on the table. My official title is that of "floater" (which means I "float" around and give teachers breaks). It would be spectacular if I really could float...walking is overrated. I spend roughly an hour in each classroom (which is all any sane human could probably handle considering the children these classrooms contain). Today I walked into work to find a "deathly ill" director who informed me that there was an epidemic. The 2's teacher called in and those who came to work were spending the day running to the bathroom and back...if you catch my drift. At this point, the germophobe in me is screaming, "Why didn't I bring a surgical mask?? I don't want this!! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" Then the director (who I have backed a safe 7 feet away from) says, "I need you to be the 2's teacher today." Inward groan. There is a reason some genius coined the phrase "terrible twos." This particular group of two-year-olds scares me to death. I look at my daily hour spent with them as excellent birth control. They make me never want kids because they will be 2 at some point. I walk the green mile and when I get there, I immediately take them outside because they can do less damage out there. After 15 minutes outside, one of them needs to pee. Of course. We get inside. They start biting each other. Not just biting. These little piranhas are out for blood. Over a toy. A stupid piece of plastic. Back to the playground, vampires. Long story short, 2-year-olds bite a lot, scream a lot, climb on furniture a lot, fight over toys a lot, and cry a lot. My peace finally came at naptime...when I got all the little monsters asleep. They're kinda cute when they're sleeping and not trying to kill each other. And their teacher will not be back tomorrow so I get to spend another joyful day with mini bloodsuckers. Can I just fast-forward to the weekend, now?