Let It Be.

I am a worrier. There. I said it. I try to disguise it as "being realistic" and "not getting my hopes up," but I have trouble with heartache; I take rejection of any kind very hard. I think it's all part of being the sensitive artist kind. I have thin skin so over the years, I've been putting on this coat of cynicism to cover it up....then I hide and cry it out later. I blame my parents; I inherited my dad's critical, realistic mind and my mother's wild, often hilarious emotions. These two coupled together in one human being is a hurricane waiting to happen. I contradict myself all the time! My head says, "distance yourself and stay logical" while my heart screams, "but you know you'd love (insert random object of desire here)!!" This has been taking a toll on me lately, in all aspects of life. I want to trust God with all my heart but sometimes my brain wants to stop and analyze it. I want to have blind faith and leap into things, knowing God's in control; but my head begs for evidence that everything will be ok. Sunday, my mom texted me, "Have faith." Two simple words that pack such a punch. Have faith. Jesus said faith the size of a mustard seed could move a mountain (Matt. 17:20); yet here I sit worrying about trivial things. There are starving, homeless people all over the world; yet here I sit whining on my iPad. My faith probably couldn't move an anthill but God loves me anyway. I am blessed to have so much. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for; the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1 ESV). It's sobering to think that God expects us to just believe in what we cannot see. He tells us, "don't worry; I take care of birds & they don't work for it; aren't you more valuable? (Matt. 6:26)" God cares for every creature, from bird to flower; yet here I sit pondering faith. I pray that someday soon, I'll let go of all my fears and inhibitions and live in peace. We as humans, are so far from perfect. Thank God He sent a substitute to take on my sin. This has been a weighty post, so I'm going to end with words of wisdom from the Beatles, "And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer, let it be."