Let It Be.

I am a worrier. There. I said it. I try to disguise it as "being realistic" and "not getting my hopes up," but I have trouble with heartache; I take rejection of any kind very hard. I think it's all part of being the sensitive artist kind. I have thin skin so over the years, I've been putting on this coat of cynicism to cover it up....then I hide and cry it out later. I blame my parents; I inherited my dad's critical, realistic mind and my mother's wild, often hilarious emotions. These two coupled together in one human being is a hurricane waiting to happen. I contradict myself all the time! My head says, "distance yourself and stay logical" while my heart screams, "but you know you'd love (insert random object of desire here)!!" This has been taking a toll on me lately, in all aspects of life. I want to trust God with all my heart but sometimes my brain wants to stop and analyze it. I want to have blind faith and leap into things, knowing God's in control; but my head begs for evidence that everything will be ok. Sunday, my mom texted me, "Have faith." Two simple words that pack such a punch. Have faith. Jesus said faith the size of a mustard seed could move a mountain (Matt. 17:20); yet here I sit worrying about trivial things. There are starving, homeless people all over the world; yet here I sit whining on my iPad. My faith probably couldn't move an anthill but God loves me anyway. I am blessed to have so much. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for; the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1 ESV). It's sobering to think that God expects us to just believe in what we cannot see. He tells us, "don't worry; I take care of birds & they don't work for it; aren't you more valuable? (Matt. 6:26)" God cares for every creature, from bird to flower; yet here I sit pondering faith. I pray that someday soon, I'll let go of all my fears and inhibitions and live in peace. We as humans, are so far from perfect. Thank God He sent a substitute to take on my sin. This has been a weighty post, so I'm going to end with words of wisdom from the Beatles, "And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer, let it be."

The Year in Review

In the spirit of the new year, I'm going to look back and dwell on the past; since I'm no good at making and keeping resolutions. This was definitely a year worth celebrating! I'll just take it month by month, so buckle up for a bumpy ride!

January: We were buried under snow but we dug out occasionally to sled. It was a blast. Some neighbors built a pretty amazing igloo. We also hosted a Super Bowl party and didn't cut out the commercials like churches do.

February: I got fancy new glasses. Chris and I celebrated Valentine's Day by eating a heart-shaped pizza at Minsky's; delicious. We're so romantic.

March: This is always my favorite month because of my birthday and anniversary. Chris and I celebrated our second year of marriage. Chris really made it the best weekend ever for me. He took me ice-skating, to the art museum, and to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D Imax; and I became a Monopoly slum lord. As if all that wasn't enough, Chris also bought me a Wii and Wii Fit which I promptly became addicted to. I also got a birthday visit from Mom, Dad, and Mike which included a trip to Buca di Beppo (a quirky Italian restaurant) with a complementary giant (as in world's biggest) cupcake. We ended a fabulous month by celebrating Palm Sunday at Redeemer Fellowship with a moving reenactment.

April: We began April with Easter at Redeemer followed by flag football with friends. It was finally warm outside! We took a spring visit to Arkansas and got some great photos. I threw Bobby a surprise birthday baseball party. The shock on his face was priceless.

May: I'm thankful to say I got a new job that I don't hate.

June: Hectic, busy month full of trips to Arkansas for marital ceremonies. The best part was getting a new dog, Chipper; my furry friend!

July: I got a dramatic haircut and have not cut it since. I always do that. We spent alot of time outside; on picnics, swimming, and hanging out with friends. Mom, Dad, and Mike came for another visit. It's always great to see family.

August: We spent almost every weekend playing flag football and kickball in the park with our Redeemder friends. We ate alot of yummy fresh fruit from the City Market. My aunt and uncle came to visit Bobby. We all went shopping; a favorite pasttime of mine. On Chris' birthday, I got him an iPad; quite a nifty invention. I happen to be typing on it right now.

September: Chris' side of the family came for a visit! We loved showing them around the city and our church. I hope they come back soon. My parents came again....they must really like Kansas City. During this visit, we ate at a restaurant where toy trains are your waiter; neat and cheap (since you don't have to tip). I also saw a pink fountain.

October: We bought a new car; a 2011 green Kia Soul! We like it alot! Dixie and I threw a phenomenal Dexter/Harry Potter themed Halloween party. I hope that's a tradition we can continue.

November: We went to Arkansas for a visit. It was colder there than in KC. I liked watching Mike in his silly band uniform. It was worth the trip. We saw the new Harry Potter movie....spectacular. I can't wait for the last installment.

December: It was a whirlwind of family, friends, Christmas lights and decorations, festivities, food, and parties. I loved every minute. Chris and I also got a new niece, Payton. She's cute.

This has been a wonderful year. I can only hope that 2011 is as good.

A Crowded Newsfeed

I should stop reading Facebook newsfeed. I just get annoyed by reading everyone's last meal and random thoughts that just are not interesting. And what is it with people talking about "him" or "her" all the time? Who are these nameless, faceless people? A curious girl like me can't stand it! Grown people (well in their 20's anyway) are putting things like "so in love with him" on their status. This whole "missing her" business is just crazy. Post on "her" wall that you miss her and leave the rest of us alone. We're not in middle school anymore. Don't be shy. If you're really in love, put a name on the love of your life and shout it from the rooftops! Come on people; be bold and be brave! Admit who you're talking about because mysterious statuses are just as ridiculous as what you had for breakfast. Be creative with your status. Update us on funny moments or observations from your worldview. Consider if anyone else would find what you have to say intriguing/hilarious/informative/enlightening before you post.

Where Did Fall Go??

It's a good thing I took lots of pictures of the colorful trees this year because I blinked and fall was gone. Everyone else is rushing and bringing out the Christmas decorations. Not me, I'm going to savor this last week or so of autumn. I think it's strange to have out Christmas decorations at Thanksgiving. No one gives that holiday its due. This is still a time for turkey and pumpkins and candles that match the leaves outside. Why people don't enjoy the season they're in? All of you that already have your trees out will be the first to wish for spring. What makes Christmas decorations special to me is that they're up for such a short time. My tree is reserved for after Thanksgiving. I bought a new wreath but dutifully put it in the garage and left out my orange rose wreath until the time comes. I'm no Scrooge; I just like every season equally. When the time does come; it will look like an elf vomited Christmas all over my home. Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Home Sweet Home Away From Home

We made it back home safely and efficiently today. I'm going to really impress you now; I've already unpacked and put away the luggage. However, I have not done any laundry and I only did the dishes because they smelled. Our trip went really well. The weather was unusually colder down south and I got to see brilliant stars in the beautiful southern sky. The city lights outshine our stars. Visiting Arkansas is strange now. When we first moved to Kansas City, going back to our home towns felt like, well, going back home. Now I feel like I'm vising family and I'm actually from Kansas City. As we drove into the city today, I felt more at peace than I have after any of our other Arkansas trips. This is where God wants us right now. Kansas City is our home now. I really felt like a foreigner at times this weekend; especially when my grampa introduced me as his "granddaughter from Kansas City." I had also forgotten about Jonesboro's dry county law until we had to sign in at Olive Garden. Ha! What a silly procedure! In case you don't know the law, restaurants who serve alcohol are required to be "private clubs" so they have their diners sign up for free "memberships." It seems pointless since most restaurants don't keep up with their list of "members." Gotta love that small town charm! I loved seeing my family and friends this weekend. I've missed each and every one of you so much! And to the ones I didn't get to see; we'll back for a week right after Christmas. Hope to see you all then!

Costumes and Candy

I haven't celebrated Halloween in years. When I was a small child I loved Halloween. What kid doesn't love getting candy just for playing dress-up? I was a red M&M quite a few times; probably because I never outgrew the outfit. Sometime in middle school, my parents stopped taking us trick-or-treating and instead we went to the church fall festival. I stopped wearing costumes around that time because no one else my age did. In highschool, I got my fill of costumes in the fall play and spring musical every year. The "cool" thing to do was find "haunted" places to go to and watch scary movies. In college, I was too busy with homework. I just kept skipping over this silly holiday. I forgot what a good reason it is to get together with friends and act completely ridiculous. This year, I thought it would be fun to go all-out. I'm collaborating with a friend to throw a costume bash. It's kept me pretty busy but it's all in fun. I feel like a little kid again; getting ready with costume ideas and schemes. I can't believe I've been ignoring October 31st for so long. Happy Halloween, everyone!

I've Been Idly Watching Life Pass Me By

This summer I really got into a slump. I watched far too much tv and sat on the couch more than any twenty-something ever should. And this has become my lifestyle. I work until 11:30 pm, so I sleep really late; later than my body needs to. I get up, wander around in my pj's all morning, play with Chipper, then go to work. I have become a lazy bum. I put off everything until the weekend. Well this ends now. Life is zooming by and I'm not seizing every moment to enjoy it. I find I need some structure and goals in place to accomplish anything. I'm completely lost without my college deadlines! So I'm putting these goals out in public for all the world to see and hopefully hold me accountable to. I'm putting these in can-do/will-do phrasing so they seem more like statements than goals....thereby tricking myself into accomplishing them. Maybe this will work....

1. I'm going to get up earlier because I really don't need 9-10 hours of sleep every night.

2. I'm going to read more. And not just those trashy magazines that keep coming in the mail for free. I want to read through the entire Bible and constantly keep another book going too; a chapter of both, a day. I'm also going to read the news every day.

3. I'm going to blog once a week; like I planned to do when I started this thing.

4. I'm going to capture one moment a day in a photograph and share it.

5. LESS TIME ON FACEBOOK!!

6. I'm going to re-learn Spanish. It helps to have a second language in your back pocket; at least the basics. I've heard once you learn one new language, other languages are a piece of cake.

7. I really want to to teach myself guitar; not concert/leading church-worthy guitar, but enough to have fun and play a ditty occasionally.

8. I am going to constantly have an art project going; not going as in sitting-in-my-closet-hasn't-been-touched-in-weeks, either; actually really, truly working on and finishing projects.

9. I'm going to work out in some form or other every day. I'm going to go on afternoon walks with Chipper and Chris every chance I get.

10. Weekly dates with Chris are going to happen. Going out or staying in; tv off. Face-to-face time with my best friend.