Let It Be.

I am a worrier. There. I said it. I try to disguise it as "being realistic" and "not getting my hopes up," but I have trouble with heartache; I take rejection of any kind very hard. I think it's all part of being the sensitive artist kind. I have thin skin so over the years, I've been putting on this coat of cynicism to cover it up....then I hide and cry it out later. I blame my parents; I inherited my dad's critical, realistic mind and my mother's wild, often hilarious emotions. These two coupled together in one human being is a hurricane waiting to happen. I contradict myself all the time! My head says, "distance yourself and stay logical" while my heart screams, "but you know you'd love (insert random object of desire here)!!" This has been taking a toll on me lately, in all aspects of life. I want to trust God with all my heart but sometimes my brain wants to stop and analyze it. I want to have blind faith and leap into things, knowing God's in control; but my head begs for evidence that everything will be ok. Sunday, my mom texted me, "Have faith." Two simple words that pack such a punch. Have faith. Jesus said faith the size of a mustard seed could move a mountain (Matt. 17:20); yet here I sit worrying about trivial things. There are starving, homeless people all over the world; yet here I sit whining on my iPad. My faith probably couldn't move an anthill but God loves me anyway. I am blessed to have so much. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for; the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1 ESV). It's sobering to think that God expects us to just believe in what we cannot see. He tells us, "don't worry; I take care of birds & they don't work for it; aren't you more valuable? (Matt. 6:26)" God cares for every creature, from bird to flower; yet here I sit pondering faith. I pray that someday soon, I'll let go of all my fears and inhibitions and live in peace. We as humans, are so far from perfect. Thank God He sent a substitute to take on my sin. This has been a weighty post, so I'm going to end with words of wisdom from the Beatles, "And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer, let it be."

The Year in Review

In the spirit of the new year, I'm going to look back and dwell on the past; since I'm no good at making and keeping resolutions. This was definitely a year worth celebrating! I'll just take it month by month, so buckle up for a bumpy ride!

January: We were buried under snow but we dug out occasionally to sled. It was a blast. Some neighbors built a pretty amazing igloo. We also hosted a Super Bowl party and didn't cut out the commercials like churches do.

February: I got fancy new glasses. Chris and I celebrated Valentine's Day by eating a heart-shaped pizza at Minsky's; delicious. We're so romantic.

March: This is always my favorite month because of my birthday and anniversary. Chris and I celebrated our second year of marriage. Chris really made it the best weekend ever for me. He took me ice-skating, to the art museum, and to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D Imax; and I became a Monopoly slum lord. As if all that wasn't enough, Chris also bought me a Wii and Wii Fit which I promptly became addicted to. I also got a birthday visit from Mom, Dad, and Mike which included a trip to Buca di Beppo (a quirky Italian restaurant) with a complementary giant (as in world's biggest) cupcake. We ended a fabulous month by celebrating Palm Sunday at Redeemer Fellowship with a moving reenactment.

April: We began April with Easter at Redeemer followed by flag football with friends. It was finally warm outside! We took a spring visit to Arkansas and got some great photos. I threw Bobby a surprise birthday baseball party. The shock on his face was priceless.

May: I'm thankful to say I got a new job that I don't hate.

June: Hectic, busy month full of trips to Arkansas for marital ceremonies. The best part was getting a new dog, Chipper; my furry friend!

July: I got a dramatic haircut and have not cut it since. I always do that. We spent alot of time outside; on picnics, swimming, and hanging out with friends. Mom, Dad, and Mike came for another visit. It's always great to see family.

August: We spent almost every weekend playing flag football and kickball in the park with our Redeemder friends. We ate alot of yummy fresh fruit from the City Market. My aunt and uncle came to visit Bobby. We all went shopping; a favorite pasttime of mine. On Chris' birthday, I got him an iPad; quite a nifty invention. I happen to be typing on it right now.

September: Chris' side of the family came for a visit! We loved showing them around the city and our church. I hope they come back soon. My parents came again....they must really like Kansas City. During this visit, we ate at a restaurant where toy trains are your waiter; neat and cheap (since you don't have to tip). I also saw a pink fountain.

October: We bought a new car; a 2011 green Kia Soul! We like it alot! Dixie and I threw a phenomenal Dexter/Harry Potter themed Halloween party. I hope that's a tradition we can continue.

November: We went to Arkansas for a visit. It was colder there than in KC. I liked watching Mike in his silly band uniform. It was worth the trip. We saw the new Harry Potter movie....spectacular. I can't wait for the last installment.

December: It was a whirlwind of family, friends, Christmas lights and decorations, festivities, food, and parties. I loved every minute. Chris and I also got a new niece, Payton. She's cute.

This has been a wonderful year. I can only hope that 2011 is as good.